A dream…

I shared part of my story over here on the blog over 3 years ago. 3 years in the blogging world can seem like a decade! And so I decided I wanted to share it again for 2 reasons. One being that even though this is a home decor (mostly) blog, I am passionate about encouraging other women to chase their dreams. This past year in particular I felt more and more inspired to talk about it more with women in my own circles in person, and I’ve seen how sharing our stories not only encourages others, but empowers them too! And secondly there’s more to this story that I want to share, but because it’s been what feels like a decade (remember blogging years, lol!) I wanted to share it again, just in case you missed it the first time, and because there’s more of the story I want to share in the hopes that it will inspire and encourage you to chase whatever dream is in your heart. 

I hope you feel encouraged, and I put in some pretty photos, because well – that is one of the ways I express my creative abilities 🙂 

I’ve been in church my whole life, however that doesn’t mean that I’ve had it easy or a perfect life by any means. I first experienced God’s saving freedom when I was 13 and my family was broken apart by divorce. I had every reason in the book to turn my back on God then, but He showed up in such a powerful way and saved me from going down a very destructive path. Fast forward a few years, I started dating my now husband, and we have been happily married with 2 little kids for 13 years. I had always dreamed of becoming an interior designer, it was just something I enjoyed doing from early on. I think I was the only 12 yr. old in my neighborhood who would spend hours creating vignettes in her room after school. I would rearrange my displays just for fun, and turn any flat surface into a beautifully decorated canvas. I would cover my walls in giant collages, cut out from magazines and photos of me and my friends. There wasn’t an ounce of wall left to be seen, all of which was so inspiring to me. It wasn’t until we had settled into our first house, and after the birth of our 2nd child that the passion to decorate started bubbling up again. I had always decorated our apartments nicely, and thankfully had the freedom to paint in both of them, but this was different. This time we owned our house, and I was bound to put my mark on it. I started my blog so I could document all the changes along the way.

About 9 months after I started my blog, I began to feel my heart strings tugged again to start exploring becoming an interior decorator. I had my hands full with two babies eighteen months apart, a new home I hadn’t even scratched the surface on all my plans for yet, and still I had this undeniable urge to start some kind of a creative business. You see though, I had been here before. Everytime I got this close, I came up with an excuse as to why not, and talked myself out of it. I would either tell myself I don’t have the time to take the classes, or “I never went to school for that, so who would trust me enough to follow me anyways”? Then I started having kids, and put all my energy and focus into that. My husband was so supportive along the way. Seeing my desire to create and decorate, he always encouraged me, or put up with it when I was trying something new out. This time was different though, this time I had seen others, who maybe hadn’t been to school, and they made this dream tangible for me. I had done enough decorating for family members and friends and finally been asked one to many times, I decided to start chasing this dream. Yet, something was still holding me back, and it was more than just doubt. I wasn’t afraid of failing, this went so much deeper than that.I’m not sure if you are familiar with the christian author Holley Gerth, but she has an amazing gift to encourage women to do what God is calling her to do. She has such a gift for expressing God’s heart towards us, and has written many books. She wrote a devotional called “God’s Heart for You” and it was at the end of this devotional that I experienced God’s freedom in my life yet again. Of course it was in the very last chapter of this devotional when God’s truth spoke over me, and I realized I had been believing a lie for the past 18 years.

I read the verse “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6. I read that scripture and instantly I was taken back. It struck me to my core, but then I smirked in disbelief, and instantly asked God to forgive me for doubting His word, and asked him to show me why I doubted Him.

He took me back to when I was in elementary school, and I over heard a conversation between my 5th grade teacher, my mother and my rivals mother. Now there was no issue, it was friendly conversation. But you know what I mean when I say  there was this girl, that one girl who no matter what you did, she did it better. She was a better student, a better athlete, got voted for all of the superlatives. She was just your all around A+ student, star athlete, the most popular. She was everywhere. In all of my classes, all of the sports I played. She always got the positions I would try out for. I felt like I lived in her shadow. Well one day, in this casual conversation, my mother was talking to my teacher praising something I did that was well, like any mother does. I remember smiling with confidence at her verbal affirmations, and then the other girls mother said “oh that’s nice, but it just comes naturally to Meg(fake name), she’s just better at everything” And looks at our teacher for affirmation. Instantly my heart sank. I wanted to hide behind my mother just to feel less of the sting of her words. I don’t even think they knew I was listening. But it was at that very moment that I started to believe the lie that “I was not good enough”. I carried it with me through the rest of my school years, throughout every sport I played. Anything I put my hands to, I never put forth full effort because deep down inside I always believed I wasn’t “GOOD ENOUGH”?!

God revealed that to me that when I doubted what His word said, this was where it all began. That in my heart all these years, despite knowing Him, and walking with God, I still carried this around everywhere I went. It might as well been tattooed on my forehead. But since that faithful day in 5th grade, I buried it deep in fear that exposing it would sting just as bad as it had when those words were first spoken. I concealed it so good I wasn’t even aware it still existed.

I asked God instantly to heal that part of me that had been broken so long ago, and allowed Him to speak truth over me. No longer was I believing this lie anymore. No longer was I doubting myself anymore. I used to shrug off compliments or words of affirmation, believing that I was never good enough to amount to what people were seeing. You can imagine the deep sigh of relief flooded over me after that sob session of realization.

But it was truly releasing those lies to God and asking Him to show me how he sees me. The purpose He created me for. My own divine gifts. At the end of each chapter in Holly’s devotional she closes with the most heartfelt of statements. True affirmation for the area that God is speaking to you on in that chapter. I want to share that chapters statement with you today, and allow His truth to wash over you!

If you’ve felt inspired by this post, and want to read more like it? I think you will love …

When Comparison is All Around

or the importance of “Knowing Your Why”

Stay tuned for the next part of my story, and the struggle of starting my on creative business. 

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