When Dreams Collide

I wrote this post a couple years ago, but wanted to re-share it, because so many of you wrote me about how my recent “Mom Failure” post resonated with you. I know I love to share about decor and pretty spaces, but I think when it comes to creating a meaningful home, it helps to know where that stems from in a person, and we can get to know people a little more. So today I’m sharing more on my dreams of becoming a mom and decorating homes, and how the two collide.

It’s funny, looking back, how clearly I can remember always wanting to be a mom. I can remember being asked as a young girl, and early teenager what I wanted to do when I grew up, and my answer was simple, “be a mom”. It wasn’t until I was in high school that that answer was no longer the only answer people would accept. I would get responses like “yes you can be a mom, but what else do you want to do?” or “Of course you will be a mom, but what do you want to do for a career”. Even though their question changed, my answer still stayed the same.

To the point that when it came time to start thinking about college, I boldly told my parents I didn’t need to go to college because I was going to get married and be a mom. This was without a potential husband on the scene as well. I was confident in it. I was drawn to it, and something inside me felt peace about it, contentment, almost like it settled me. Yes I had always secretly wanted to become an interior designer, but at the time going to school for that was out of reach, and I doubted myself very much. Especially seeing how I didn’t have my own home or money to decorate with.

Those skills would come in due time, but not until I had the opportunity to express them. When asked, the “mom” path always spoke loudest. It was always the first answer out of my mouth. When I think back to that time in my life when I just wanted to be a mom, I remember how I envisioned what I thought it would look like. Trust me, I was in no way picturing myself to be the Pinterest perfect moms we face today. I wanted to be a mom because I wanted to take care of my family.

I envisioned myself cooking for them, loving on them, hugging them, creating a nice home for them. From a very early age I had the desire to create a warm, inviting home for my family to rest in. It’s funny when I dreamed about my future family as a little girl, I longed to take of them. Keeping up with the laundry wasn’t a chore, it was one of the ways I could love on my family by making sure they had clean clothes.

Cooking dinner for them wasn’t a daunting task to do every night, it was serving yummy, food that would fill their bellies and hearts, knowing they are taken care of. It’s funny how those two dreams collided. Or maybe they were really both there all along co-exishting. There’s a song that reminds me of this dream often. In fact it’s titled “Dream” and it’s by Priscilla Ahn. In the song she reflects on who she was as a little girl, and the dreams she had. My favorite line in the song is when she says ” I asked God who I’m supposed to be, the stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie”, because it reminds me of all my talks with God as a kid. I would lay outside under a tree in our front yard and talk to God, and dream about who I would be when I grew up. Even though I have never heard him audibly speak back, I believe he confirms in our spirit, and there is a peace when something resonates deeply within us. 

I remember as a child, being taught by my mom the importance of taking care of a home in all the unseen duties. Even when she wasn’t teaching me something, she was leading by example. This ebb and flow of making our home warm and inviting. Having dinner together as a family, and making sure there were plenty of hugs. The details she would put into making our rooms nice, and decorating for christmas was so special. I believe as women and as moms we desire to equip our children and bless our families with our homemaking. Not a hurry do this, go there, attitude. Just barely surviving. But instilling in our children a greater calling in this life. Not to be over shadowed by media, and technology. That creating an environment in our homes that is inviting and comforting go hand in hand with equipping our families to go out and thrive. 

There are so many times I have spent doing the same chores day in and day out. Fluffing the pillows on our couch at the end of the day because they have all be sat on or thrown on the floor. Realizing that I’m not fluffing them because I want our living room to look perfect all the time, but I’m making the space inviting all over again for the next day, just so my kids will plop down and feel refreshed.

I see it in their faces when they’ve had some down time to rest in our living room. This great sense of comfort and security they feel, knowing they can be 100% themselves, and they will be loved and accepted just as they are. Or when my husband comes home from work and lets out that gentle sigh from a long day, but now he is home. A place where he can rest, relax and unwind from the day. 

Decorating our home isn’t just something I love to do. Don’t get me wrong I do love to decorate and with things that I love. Yet, the more important purpose behind it is to create an atmosphere that my family can be nurtured in. That even though I take careful thought into what goes into those spaces, our home isn’t meant to be idolized for the possessions inside it. It’s meant for a greater purpose. It’s so much more than four walls and roof over our head. God knew that I wanted to be a mom. That the desire to create inviting spaces was planted all those years ago when I was just a little girl laying under the tree in my front yard talking to the sky.

When I look around our home, I feel refreshed because I have created an environment that inspires me and welcomes me to come in and rest. Something, that can often get overlooked in the busy everyday life. So the next time you think it’s silly to fluff those pillows, or buy that pretty frame that makes you smile, or re-arrange your furniture for a room re-fresh, remember that as much as we serve our homes, they are truly there to serve us. That they really welcome us in for refreshment, and offer us a place to rest and regroup, so we can put our best selves forward.