Thoughts on Back to School – and this Mamas Heart

Friends, my heart is heavy as we make our way towards a new school year starting and so many uncertainties still left up in the air. We have twenty-nine days left until the first day of school here in New England, and I know there are other parts of the country who have already begun or will begin in the next couple of weeks. With so much still to decide on it seems that the only thing as of lately that brings me solitude is spending time in our yard with my hands in the dirt, which is exactly what I was doing before I came in to write this down to share with you. I know I don’t always talk about mom stuff or family life, but right now this is what is weighing heavy on my heart, so today I’m sharing some of my thoughts with you as we navigate through these uncharted territories, putting words to feelings I’ve been mulling over, because maybe you too have similar feelings. I know for myself, the moment I am able to put words to exactly what it is that I’m wrestling with, I can think clearer and find peace. So if you are a momma who has been worrying about what this upcoming school year holds, todays post is for you!

Grab a coffee, and lets chat ~

Lately I have found myself longing for fall more and more, and sooner than I normally due this time of year. I long for the routine and the structure it brings. The familiarity of back to school, fall sports, cooler temps, and a normal bedtime for my kiddos. Don’t get me wrong, I love the flexibility and careless days that summer gives us. The warm sun, lazy days with no schedule, but if I’m being honest this summer has felt more like an extended break since the world stopped spinning back in March.

However, as much as I’m longing for some type of normalcy to come back into our lives, it is also met with equal parts of hesitation. I find myself tossing and turning ideas for what this school year will hold, and even look like for my two precious kiddos, as I’m sure many parents are around the country. Twenty-nine days left before the first day of school, which is the latest our kids have ever started school since I can’t even remember. This year we are starting school after Labor day to allow the teachers more time to prepare for a school year that will look drastically different from years past, and I find my heart full of uncertainty.

Back to school used to bring a sense of excitement, and bittersweetness as we traded in our beach days for morning routines and bagged lunches as my kids headed out the door. Twenty-nine days remain, and yet we still aren’t a 100% sure of what that will even look like. I’ve struggled a lot, like mosts parents, in trying to decide how I feel about all of this, and what route my kids will take when it comes to school in the fall. Will they be going back to school? What will that look like for them, and how will it impact their day, or do I choose to homeschool them in hopes to keep whatever sense of normalcy we have left in wanting to protect my kids from the world around us.

So much of this weighs heavy on my heart as I search for answers, and wait patiently to decide on what is the best fit for our family.

You see here’s the thing, my kids love their school. We live in a small town, with a small town school that has a tight knit community, allowing my kids to feel safe and like it’s their home away from home. I think making a decision about my kids school would be easier if they didn’t have such an amazing community of teachers, staff and friends there, but they do – and here’s the bigger thing – THEY MISS IT GREATLY.

It took me awhile to realize that these feelings of sadness and uncertainty I was having about my kids going to school, is because at the heart of it I’m grieving for the community they lost last spring, and how they just might as quickly loose it again this year.

Being able to identify those feelings and emotions as grief has been so freeing, however knowing what to do with them is taking work. Because we still aren’t out the woods yet. There is still the very likely hood of schools shutting back down, even if they plan to re-open in the fall, and I worry about how that will affect my kids. I worry about what their learning environment will look like in the classroom should they go back, or how stying home will impact their emotional well-being.

I don’t know where your faith is, but the encouragement I have been able to find comes from scripture alone. The moment these feelings begin to take over, and worry and fear starts to creep in, I open my bible and remind myself that God is in control, and He sees everything, and even when I can’t be with my kids – He can!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God”

Philippeans 4:6

I know there’s no easy decision to make, whether or not we want to send our kids to school, or choose a different option. One quick scroll through social media will have your head spinning with everyone else’s opinions on the matter. But what I do know is that I feel God’s peace when I choose to hand over the reigns of control, and trust that He will guide me to make the right decision.

I know we are all making tough decisions right now, and no matter what choice you make, know this :

I also know, that I want to be the kind of mom who encourages other moms, even if our choices for the upcoming school year are not the same. We all need encouragement and for other moms to rally around us, instead of letting this situation cause more division. My prayer for you today if you are a momma trying to decide on what to do for school this fall, is that you won’t be swayed by the decisions that others are making, but that your heart will be full of peace. That you will take time to seek out what will be the best fit for your family, because after all God chose you to be the momma to your precious kiddos.

This song has brought me great comfort this past week, and I wanted to share here with all of you, whatever you are going through, I pray that you would feel God’s peace today.